Description
Straight Talk / No Chaser – How To Find / Keep And Understand A Man By Steve Harvey
Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man (2010) by Steve Harvey with Denene Millner is a book of advice for heterosexual women who want to get married and stay that way. By understanding the male psyche, women can avoid common pitfalls and build a happy, sustainable relationship with a good man.
Men are creatures of simple emotions and straightforward motivations. They identify as breadwinners, so it’s important to them to provide women with safety and security. Whereas women are more driven by their biological clocks and desire to build a family, men are laser-focused on their careers and reputations. A man may find it difficult to focus on a romantic relationship if these pieces of his life haven’t yet fallen into place. It’s unusual for men to feel intimidated by women’s professional achievements, but they can be off-putting. Successful women should downplay their achievements and emphasize how much they want to have a man in their lives.
Since women are socialized to dream about their wedding day, the task of talking about commitment and marriage falls to them. Women who are ready to settle down should say so early in the relationship. Men are capable of commitment, but it doesn’t come to them naturally, and they won’t bring it up. Therefore, it falls to the woman in a relationship to set parameters. Generally, he’s not going to commit to the relationship unless he’s asked to, explicitly. And if he doesn’t think there will be consequences for infidelity, he’s likely to cheat. Women must firmly enforce their standards, and be willing to walk away from a man who won’t comply. If her partner is truly interested in the romance, he’ll commit to it without complaint. And if he doesn’t, someone else will commit later. Women should always be willing to walk away from a relationship that isn’t working.
Women should make an effort to always look put together, even if they’re just running errands. Single women might encounter the man of their dreams at any moment, so it’s best to be prepared. Once a woman meets someone special, she should wait at least 90 days to initiate a sexual relationship. Men who refuse to wait that long aren’t marriage material. Enforcing a wait time helps weed out bad matches.
Women can maintain their long-term relationships by remembering that men are repelled by nagging. If her partner needs to address some household task, nagging is not the way to get it done. Flattery and gratitude, on the other hand, are powerful tools. Women can leverage men’s natural desire to fix things by complimenting their previous handiwork. But if a man doesn’t respond to a request right away, a woman should back off and let him address the issue on his own time.
A common area where couples struggle is household finances. One way to keep strife at a minimum is to maintain four accounts: a joint checking account, a joint savings account, and two individual checking accounts, for private spending allowances.
Ultimately, the ability to compromise is at the heart of every successful relationship. Relationships are naturally transactional, meaning that every kindness and consideration will be reciprocated. For example, a man whose wife gives him the gift of a childfree afternoon of golf may receive dinner at a nice restaurant in return. The real art of diplomacy is in making sure that everyone remains satisfied.
